May your Rest be Blessed: Importance of Downtime

I've been chatting a lot lately with parents and teachers that will tell me their child or student, each obviously very bright, seems content to spend hours each day playing in a sandbox, or with lego, doodling or just daydreaming.  I love it!  We often know what we need, particularly when we are kids.  Maria Montessori once wrote that you should never give more to the mind than you give to the hands, which I have held onto and repeated to myself for the past 20 years - it just struck me as a truth, although I didn't remember any of the science behind it. But it makes sense, that call for balance.

I've always celebrated the gospel records where Jesus leaves the crowd to go off on his own.   Ah, the importance of downtime...time to pray, to rest, to meditate, to play, to do nothing.  We all know the spiritual directive for considering rest holy, but if you've forgotten the science behind why we need rest, (or if, in the season's busyness, need an excuse to rest) check out the link below, and enjoy all the neuroscience behind daydreaming, napping, taking long baths, playing with kids, or making snow angels.  

The Benefits of Downtime: Why Learners’ Brains Need a Break

It's Okay to Daydream: Scott Barry Kaufman on Creativity

May your rest be blessed. 

LifeLearner in Action: Michaela, Self-Portrait

I occasionally get the opportunity to share the work, thoughts or experiences of the gifted students I work with and it is always a pleasure.  Sharing this charcoal and pencil self-portrait of Michaela (17) with you is also an honour and a joy.

For more information on Michaela's art, please see the following link.  School newsletter.

Information is Beautiful

Just a quick note about a website I found (well-refound, having watched the Ted talk by McCandless probably half a year ago). David McCandless presents big sets of information in ways that are palatable and consumable and lovely. The conversation that led me back to this site was whether the supplements, mentioned in my previous post, really make a difference.  Are they worth it? Check out the "graph" linked below and let me know what you think.

http://www.informationisbeautiful.net/play/snake-oil-supplements/

If you are in an information-heavy course or career, you may also find this inspiring! (Or is is just me?  I might be a information design nerd.  Is that a thing?)

Carmen

Perfect-ish

Is Perfectionism Bad for You?

I had a conversation last week with the parent of a gifted student and we were talking about perfectionism.  I mentioned that some gifted scholars say that all gifted individuals will experience perfectionism in one area or another ... whether it be piano, soccer, math, grades, appearance, performance, people pleasing, or, in one instance, surfing.  Perfectionism gets a bad rap.  As parents and teachers, we often see the debilitating anxiety that can accompany it, or the OCD tendencies that mimic it, and want to discourage it all together. However, the question niggles....maybe you really do want your brain surgeon to be a perfectionist - probably your concert pianist too, on some level. So when do you encourage your child to attempt to do better - surely we worked harder when we were kids? -  and when do you suggest they do their best, in the time allotted, then relax and just hand the paper in?  Finish and call it good - or very good - or, dare I say, good enough - and then take a break? Do we want to encourage kids to aim for perfection or not?

What is the Difference Between High Standards and Perfectionism?

I think it is actually good to differentiate between high standards and perfectionism.  In the Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids, the author states: 

"Setting high standards is not a bad thing. Meticulous attention to detail is necessary for scientific discovery. Commitment is necessary for excellence. Striving for excellence leads to great achievement, but these efforts should not be confused with perfectionism. Perfectionism involves setting unrealistically demanding goals for yourself that set you up for failure and feelings of worthlessness. If your child acts as though failure (or even the prospect of failure) is incredibly awful and the only way to live is to be perfect, you need to address the problem." p. 78

Should we be Raising Perfect Children?

So I would say, by the definition above, no, we don't want children to be perfect. We want them to feel comfortable taking risks, when they might fail - knowing that their very self - their worth - is not in danger if they don't "succeed".  Not expecting perfection frees the person to not hold back or define themselves too narrowly. The challenge is that even our appreciation of our child's gift - the focus and praise we give it - can unintentionally add to the vicious circle of striving to be better and better and the need to perform and be appreciated by others in order to feel valued. It can convince a child (or adult) that they are only worthy and interesting if they are doing something new, fascinating, and spectacular. So not true.  

Dr. Brene Brown, in her excellent Ted talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html) on the importance of vulnerability, also addresses our desire to raise & educate perfect children. She suggests we counter that impulse by communicating the message that they, our students, our children, are "imperfect, and wired for struggle, but that they are worthy of love and belonging". 

How do we Support against the Pitfalls of Perfectionism?

I had an art teacher once that had the class work on a piece of art for an hour, and then had us tear it up and use the torn pieces to create a new piece of art.  The lesson that we are not what we produce - to hold things lightly - and that sometimes we need to let go of one outcome to gain another has stuck with me ever since. 

So how do we support our gifted children against the pitfalls of perfectionism? I have listed a few ideas below.

1) Model mistake-making - don't hide your mistakes and failings from your children or students.  Show how you aren't afraid of mistakes, can learn from them, can leave them behind as you move forward. Show them how you actively reject shame and blame and how to embrace forgiveness.

2) Instead of commenting on accomplishments all the time, focus your feedback on your child's effort or enjoyment of an activity. Don't praise without thinking, or praise too much.

3) Resist criticizing; you can't counteract a lot of praise by a balance of a lot of criticism - it is a killer of initiative, imagination and creativity. 

4) Teach your kids to manage tension and anxiety with exercise, prayer, singing, good eating, meditation, laughter, fun, relaxation, deep pressure, bear hugs, listening to music; talk to your doctor or naturopath about vitamin B5&6, D, Rhodiola  or other supplements that help the body lower cortisol.  We also have Taming the Worry Dragons in the school library. 

5) Check out the picture book ish by Peter Reynolds.  This is an excellent (parent-recommended) book for young perfectionists - for those who won't draw because they can't do it perfectly, it teaches the beauty of loose lines and drawing and living ish-ly. 

6) Give yourself a break too - none of us are able to teach or parent perfectly either.  Actively apply grace to yourself and to those around you. 

Carmen

On Motivation and Problem-Based Learning

One of the biggest challenges for gifted students is motivation. Often, if the reason for learning something is not obvious and internalized, learning "because you'll need to know it one day", or "because it meets a Provincial Learning Outcome" or even "because you will get an A"  are insufficient motivations to get the work started, much less completed. 

An approach that will often increase motivation is Problem-Based Learning (PBL). PBL has been used in medical schools, like McMaster University, since 1969. Similar to Project-Based Learning, the premise is that we learn best when we are engaged, when learning has an integrative nature and when we are learning what we need to know right then.  

With PBL, the problem drives the learning.  Before being exposed to information on a topic, students are given a real-world problem to solve...the learning happens as the problem is solved, with the focus on the process. Because they can see the practical applications of what they are learning, and have the joy of discovery, the motivation to learn is more naturally and intrinsically present and what is learned, sticks.  The role of the homeschooling parent becomes "the guide on the side, rather than the sage on the stage".  

If you are interested in how you can apply this at home, there are a few resources below to get you started. 

Warm Regards, 

Carmen

Looking for inspiration? 

Project-Based Homeschooling

http://www.amazon.ca/Project-based-Homeschooling-Mentoring-Self-directed-Learners/dp/1475239068/

Problem-Based Learning in your Homeschool: 

http://www.rfwp.com/pages/shelagh-gallagher/#book-problem-based-learning-for-homeschoolers

Odyssey of the Mind BC: Generating Future Problem Solvers

http://www.odysseybc.ca/

Odyssey of the Mind is a school-based, international program that promotes creative problem solving for students from kindergarten through college. Under the guidance of a coach, teams of five to seven students learn creative thinking and problem solving skills while finding innovative solutions to a variety of technical and performance problems.

Conference "Our Kids" October 26,2013 Coquitlam

Speaker: Problem-based learning expert, Shelagh Gallagher

The Secret

A common strategy that gifted kids use is secrecy.  They don't feel very gifted and must grow weary of responding and explaining or performing.  Keeping their gift as a 'secret identity' gives them time to feel 'normal', weigh a friendship to see if its safe to share and avoids the expectation of performing.

Do you think this is a wise strategy?

QUOTE

Here's another quote that I thought was great!  This one comes from an article written by Thomas M. Buescher and Sharon Higham called "Helping Adolescents Adjust to Giftedness"

"Dissonance: By their own admission, talented adolescents often feel like perfectionists.  They have learned to set their standards high, to expect to do more and be more than their abilities might allow.  Childhood desires to do demanding tasks PERFECTLY become compounded during adolescence.  It is not uncommon for talented adolescents to experience real dissonance between what is actually done and how well they expected it to be accomplished.  Often the dissonance perceived by young people is far greater than most parents and teachers realize."

Have you seen this?