"You Should. . .. "

Do you ever find yourself having to protect your gifted child from the every growing list of expectations that people place on them?

I wonder how many times they hear "that's incredible! You should. . . . "

Their potential is breath taking but they are often fragile souls who can easily become overwhelmed by their own expectations, never mind the perceived expectations of others.  Often these expectations, combined with their own perfectionism, results in them not being able to do anything.

Perhaps the next 'you should' could be restated as 'you could'.

What do you think of this quote (taken from Alberta's education site www.education.aberta.ca) ?

"Intensity, combined with advanced cognitive abilities created inner experiences and awareness different from the norm, leaving students who are gifted and talented often vulnerable."

Shopping for the child that doesn't understand toys

I wonder if your experience with shopping for a gifted child is similar to mine.  In a word; challenging.

Often our gifted children approach toys differently then typical children.  In my house, toys were just items in the way and seemed to create some confusion as what they were meant for!  Now, as our child is older, where those items are made and by who has become significant as her concerns over slavery and social justice surface.  When considering a purchase for her, we need to consider many things that may not enter the minds of most shoppers.

Another hurdle in shopping for the 'right gift' is considering how long the item will hold the interest of the child.  Our gifted kids quickly tire of toys that hold the interest of typical children.  They need toys that will challenge them more and hold their interest for longer.

Here's an article that suggests some items that might be worth considering.

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/booksandtoys/tp/top_ten_toys.htm

What would you recommend?

Gifted vs Earned - Created in the Image of God

A conversation that we've had in our home many, MANY times is about the difference between our gifts and what we've worked hard to earn.  All credit to God, no matter what, but there is a HUGE difference between the two!

Something we've discussed is that our giftedness is just that, a gift.  It's not from work that we've done and it's not something that we've deserved.  It's simply how we are created.  On the other hand, something we work at, like a skill or gaining knowledge or developing an ability, those are all things that we have control over.  In those areas we can take some pride (understanding that all glory goes to God still) for our accomplishments.

If you think about that for a bit it brings a sense of relief.  It's not ours to worry about!  Not our strengths and therefore, not our weaknesses either.  God made us just the way He planned.  NO mistakes.  NO favourites.  Our responsibility is to use what we gave us for His glory.  To do what He wants us to do! 

So, what are you doing with what God gave you?

Bragging encouraged here

One of the areas that has been a struggle for me in raising gifted children is being able to brag.  I'm SO proud of my kids and, like most parents, want to tell you all about it!  Have you ever had that awkward moment when a group of parents are gathered and they are talking about the recent achievements by their children and you think it's safe to tell of yours?  So you do.  And they all stare at you.

I know that their giftedness is something they were born with and that character is most important.  I'll be commenting on that many times in upcoming blogs.  I also know that being gifted and raising gifted kids has many, MANY struggles and challenges.  Many have other labels attached to their giftedness - anxiety disorders, ASD, LD's, ADD/ADHD, written output challenges, eating disorders, OCD, rigid thinking, sensory processing disorder, social struggles. . . . . the list goes on.  But for today, lets talk about those incredible things that they can do that make us shake our head in amazement!  Let's stop and be amazed by the strengths God gave them and celebrate together!

Here, bragging is encouraged and is safe!  What has your child been up to?  It's not a competition, just a place to celebrate together!

I'll start :)  My daughter is acing courses in math and physics through Stanford Universities gifted program. She wants to be a university professor there and is dreaming realistically.  At the same time, she has a passion to help free slaves and is working on another fundraiser.  Not your typically teenager's dream or life.

holiday stress

For years I found myself dreading each and every holiday because of the impact it had on my gifted child.  Halloween meant weeks of avoiding stores with masks,  Christmas meant trying again to explain why we get gifts, Thanksgiving was agreeing that we should be thankful everyday but it's nice to be intentional.  This list goes on.  Not only was it a challenge to explain the holiday and our societies reaction to it but the disruption in our schedule and 'how things look different at the stores or on the streets' meant anxiety (hers and mine!) was at an all time high.

Here's some tips that helped our house survive:

- reducing expectations around the holidays for both child and the rest of the family.

- making every effort to maintain routines (for us, that meant keeping our school routine running longer into holidays because it had a calming effect)

- visual schedules that showed families activities or changes in schedule

- increases calming activities (deep pressure, classical music, heavy work)

- open dialogue without judgement about child's feelings about holiday (it's hard to hear your young child say that the don't like a holiday but allowing them to express their feelings is important for them and will decrease their stress levels)

- supporting them in finding solutions to their concerns.  ie; if they are concerned about the impact on the environment that the decorations are having, work to find a strategy to reduce footprint.  At Thanksgiving or Christmas, work on a project to help those in need.  Your child probably already has an idea on what they feel should be done, just talk about it and help them get it done.

- allowing them to have input on decorations and putting them up slowly (I found it was best to talk about decorating, have her involved in bringing out decorations and letting the boxes just sit in the room for a day or two before putting them up.  At Christmas, having the tree up was a big deal and I found my child avoiding the room it was in and avoiding looking at it.  When things were quiet, I would take her into the room and sit with her to help her get used to changes in the room.)

- breaks from the holiday.  Try not to make every moment about the upcoming holiday and allow them some space away from decoration or discussions about the holiday.  Perhaps read a story in a bedroom rather then the decorated living space.  Stay home more and keep the media out of your home while the season is being advertised.

- allow them to research how the holiday started and how it's changed over the years or how it's celebrated in other countries and cultures.

What has been your experience?  What are some of the strategies that have worked in your home?

Creating community

I've talked about creating a blog for several years and am excited to have this opportunity!  Thank you for taking time to join us.

I remember spending many hours on the internet, looking for people that had shared a similar experience of trying to raise a gifted child.  Looking for some answers, ideas, success stories or even someone who could relate!

That's what we want to offer you here.  A community where we can share our ideas, struggles, joys and belong.  Please take time to comment on posts.  That will make this experience far richer for all of us!  Let's create conversation and learn together!

I'll aim to post a new topic every couple of weeks, at least, but leave a comment and check back regularly to continue the dialogue.  Let's go deeper together.

Self Care: they're settled in. . . now what about you?

I've been a wife for over 18 years, a mother for over 14 and a homeschooler for 10.  I know what it is to serve.  I know how important it is to place the needs of our family as a high priority.  I take some offence to our societies constant message to put ourselves first.  I LOVE serving my family!  I consider it one of the greatest gifts God gave me and wouldn't trade my role for anything.

BUT.

It is important to take care of you.  Your husband needs a healthy wife.  Your wife needs a healthy husband. Your kids need a healthy mother.  Right?

So, what are you doing to take care of you this year?

QUOTE discussion

What do you think about the following quote?  Has this been your experience?  How did you deal with it?  What would you recommend to others that might be going through this?  Take time to share with us!  As we participate, this will become a more vibrant community with more opportunity to grow and learn!

A gifted child may be able to participate in adult conversations about issues such as global warming or world hunger one minute and the next minute cry and whine because a sibling took a favorite toy.

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/a/gtproblems.htm

Curriculum

In my years of homeschooling, I noticed what I call 'reoccurring seasons'.  I'm sure you've noticed too.  Our thoughts, focuses and conversations with other homeschool families seem to go through seasons of focus.  The New Year comes to us with new inspiration and dedication, then we move into portfolio time and what goals we're going to need to set aside and which need our focus.  The home stretch of spring where we find ourselves staring outside longingly with our children, just waiting for summer to come.  The school year ends with a look at what we'll be doing in the fall and what we should keep doing over the summer.  Then, with the beginning of fall comes excitement, and at times apprehension, over the curriculum we chose in the spring or the areas of study we still haven't found the material for.

It's a big decision for every family, weighing the child's interest, learning style, learning outcomes and academic or spiritual goals.  With this we much also consider how much time it will take, how independently the child can work on it, can it be done in the waiting room during their siblings piano lessons, and how it will fit in the families overall plans and commitments.

Our gifted kids add a new element to it all with their levels of intensity, varied interests and abilities, along with their unique way of learning.  I recall many hours of research into material at higher levels while considering the written output or age appropriateness of the content.  All the while wondering if this will be another topic 'devoured' quickly by my child or if it will be the focus point of our dinner conversations for many months to come.

Its a significant task to take on and is best shared with friends.  With that in mind and in honour of the countless times I've asked and been asked, I repeat the question to you;

"So, what curriculum are you using this year?"

Grab a coffee and join the conversation

Over the past few months, a few of us have been talking about how we can provide more support to families with gifted kids and it’s had me reflect back to my family’s experiences and what I needed most in those more challenging seasons of parenting and homeschooling.  Ideas on what to do in specific situations or which curriculum to use, parenting advice, someone to celebrate a success with, words of encouragement and a listening ear have meant so much to me over the years!  I’ve been blessed in having family and dear friends to pray with me and for me and I’ve cherished that most of all.  These memories flood back and inspire me to attempt to create a community support for you as well.

I’ve found that community is vital in keeping one’s sanity and raising kids.  Especially our unique kids!

My desire is to create a place for dialogue and get us sharing our experiences, wisdom and questions.  We can learn so much from each other and we will be stronger together.  You may just have the answer to the question another has been asking! 

I’ll open a conversation and get things started, and then I’d like you to take a few minutes to respond by sharing your experience and perspective.  We’ll keep things short, I know you’re busy!  But, I think that we can learn a lot from each other, whatever stage we are in and I believe that it will help us see things from a new perspective or give us direction. 

So, please, grab a coffee and join the conversation!

Gifted as Sensitive Quote

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: 

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. 

To him... 

a touch is a blow, 

a sound is a noise, 

a misfortune is a tragedy, 

a joy is an ecstasy, 

a friend is a lover, 

a lover is a god, 

and failure is death. 

Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating." 

-Pearl Buck- 

This quote struck me as being very apt.  I have often described the sensitivity of gifted students as though their skin is peeled back and all their nerve endings exposed - physically, emotionally, spiritually. The above quote is a much nicer visual. Carmen


Source: www.ri.net/gifted_talented/character.html

Modern Day Slavery - an Article by Robyn Hearn

Here's an article written by Robyn Hearn along with a link to the local newspaper that showed up at the event she was a part of planning and also an article written by one of her youth pastors that mentions the event.  Young people doing great things - love it!

PQNews article: http://www.pqbnews.com/community/159468965.html
Pastors Point: http://www.pqbnews.com/opinion/160763215.html

According to www.ijm.org, there are over twenty-seven million slaves in the world today, a higher figure than any other time recorded in history.

We’ve all learned about the history of slavery. We know of the millions of Africans being shipped and sold around the world for free labour until slavery’s supposed “abolishment” in 1833. Still, though, so few of people are aware that slavery is still going on today.

While William Wilberforce and the British Legislature succeeded in illegalizing the practice of one human owning another, this certainly did not rid the world of forced labour.

Today we define slavery as “people forced to work against their will under violence or threat of violence and are paid nothing.”¹ While slavery, historically, was mainly limited to Africans being owned by Caucasians, slavery, today, has moved across to include all race, age, and gender. In fact, slavery takes place all over the world, including North America, and it’s estimated that 40-50% of slaves are children.²

This forced labour includes work in rock quarries, rice mills, sweatshops, brick kilns, fisheries, as well as prostitution. One becomes a slave either through violence or deception. In the case of deception, a family is typically doing very poorly financially and is desperate. Maybe a “friend of a friend” offers to loan some money in exchange for a bit of work; the family agrees and is completely unaware that they just sold themselves, or their child, into slavery.

When I first heard about modern day slavery, I was overwhelmed, shocked, and upset, but I also knew that just feeling bad wasn’t enough. I needed to do something more. Since then, I’ve started a fundraiser at my youth group in Parksville, Pym³. I’ve been so blown away by how willing people are to get involved once they’ve heard what’s going on. There are several organizations that are physically freeing slaves, and we’ve chosen to fight slavery through donations to International Justice Mission².

Although, in the past, slaves were freed by simply buying them and releasing them, abolitionists have learned from previous mistakes and seen that this actually grows and stimulates the slave trade. “IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local officials to secure immediate victim rescue and aftercare, to prosecute perpetrators and to ensure that public justice systems - police, courts and laws - effectively protect the poor.²” The biggest advantage to working this way is that we’re not only holding perpetrators and officials accountable, but we’re also helping to prevent future cases.

Our goal is no longer to just free one or two people, but rather to actually eliminate the modern day slave trade from our world.

If you would like to get involved, you can make a donation at www.ijm.org or contact Pym’s fundraiser team at robalyn@shaw.ca.

¹www.freetheslaves.net

²www.ijm.org

³www.pym.ca